Very Mini Hiatus

The story, cut and dry:

I had an accident yesterday.

It was my fault.

Fotunatus [my car] was towed away after the accident.

I'm grateful I didn't end up in the hospital.

I'm not very happy right now.

I can't find the desire or the humor to type up a post.

I don't know how long this will last.

But I'll be back as soon as I can.

Surely, this accident must glorify God somehow.  I'm desperately waiting to see how.

P.S. I'm okay.

P.P.S. I just wish I took the puff-puffs out of the car before it got towed away. They were tasty.

I Want A Fat Wife

Those are precious words that you'll probably never hear from a man's mouth.  Perhaps, this blog is as close as you'll ever come to hearing it from a man's mouth.  And I am not even a man, so go figure.

Remember back in the day when the bigger a woman was, the better looking she was considered?  Remember how that used to be the evidence of good living?  It used to be the proof that she was well taken care of by her father or husband, preferably her husband.  Remember how the women with wide hips and butts as wide as pillows held sideways used to boast of having an ikebe super?  Igbo men call such hips/butt "ukwu pathfinder [pathfinder hips]," "ukwu transformer [transformer hips]," "ukwu v-boot [v-boot hips]," "ike danger [dangerous butt] ... and the list goes on.  Well, what happened?

Did men stop wanting the pathfinder hips, hips that are sure to find the path at any given point, even without a GPS?  Did men stop wanting the transformer hips, hips that can power the electricity in an entire block (or consequently cause the electricity to fail due to too much voltage)?  Did they stop wanting the hips shaped like that v-boot Mercedes Benz?  Did they stop wanting the dangerous butts, the kind that literally cost people their lives?  Or did we, women, change?

Women everywhere seem to be in a craze for the skinny bones.  Have we [African women] become more educated about the risks and dangers of obesity?  Or have we become more westernized, looking to the likes of Beyonce and Rihanna, for our ideal image?  What is really going on?  What we used to consider voluptuous, curvy, and shapely is now plain ol' fat.  One man's fat, I realize, is another man's average and vice versa.

But you know what's interesting, while we [women] spend a lot of time making ourselves over, redefining the meaning of [black] beauty, nipping here and tucking there, the standard of beauty, it seems, has remained the same for the men: tall, dark, and handsome.

I'm sure you have plenty to say.  Thankfully, Good Naija Girl, Caramel, and I will be discussing it live on the Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio show tomorrow, Saturday, March 6th 2010.  The show will be airing at 10am U.S. Eastern time [4pm Nigerian time & 3pm U.K time].  Click here to listen.  Join the live conversation by calling 1.646.929.1905.  Send your thoughts/stories/questions via e-mail radio@verastic.com  or text 1.443.934.9039.  Follow me on Twitter for updates.

Ka chi fo [Goodnight in Igbo].

P.S. I'd like to say a big congratulations and best wishes to Onyi and Noni.  It's been a year since they started their journey.  I pray God's blessings and favor meet them both at the point of their individual and collective needs.  Amen.


P.P.S. Don't forget to vote [in the top right sidebar]!

Mr. Shoes And I Are Getting Married --- Today

And this time, it's not an April Fool's trick - like that other time.  I'm sorry you had to find out this way.  And I'm sorry I kept it away from you, but if it makes you feel any better, I also kept it away from Mr. Shoes.  You see, this isn't exactly how I planned to get married, but as they say, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

I'll make this as short and as simple as possible: from Friday, February 5th to Sunday, February 7th, we experienced suffered a snow storm.  It took me five hours to shovel the sidewalk and dig Fotunatus [my car] out of 26 inches of snow.  School was out for over a week.  Less than a week later, we received another 12 inches of snow.  More shoveling and digging ensued.  By the end, I was sure I would need a chiropractor to fix my back, shoulders, waist, and arms.Since then, it has snowed about three or four more times, albeit very lightly.  This week and next week, we're expecting snow; I don't know the amount.  

So, where does Mr. Shoes come in, you ask?  Well, you see, while we were shoveling, my male neighbors shoveled and shoveled and shoveled --- while their wives stood by the door and directed them, "Honey, you didn't get that little part there," and occasionally, their wives brought them soup, sandwiches, and warm beverages.

I want to be a wife, darn it!  Shoveling isn't fun.  I'd rather be giving directions and offering warm beverages.  So, yes, Mr. Shoes and I will be getting married today.  I have to make sure that I marry him before the next snow storm.  Wouldn't want him thinking that I married him just because of the snow storm.  I mean, what kind of wife would that make me?

Turai Yar'Adua: VANISHED INTO THIN AIR!!!

So, there I was yesterday, checking my Yahoo! e-mail account when I saw a notification from Twitter that a new person was now following me.  Usually, I just delete such mails, but this time, the name caught my attention: Turai Yar'Adua.  Yes, I mean Turai, our President's former President's wife.

Off I went to check her profile out.  It's not everyday that a First Lady former First Lady follows me on Twitter.  Decked out in her outfit and traditional red scarf, she sat in her profile picture, staring me down, daring me to follow her back on Twitter.  I didn't.  I've heard and read too many not-so-flattering stories about her.

She had only one tweet.  It's unfortunate that I didn't copy and paste it for my keeps, but to paraphrase it, she thanked us for our prayers (if only she knew what I actually prayed for), and then, she said they are back (they, who??).  I thought to myself, I've got to blog about this!

Confidently, I returned to my list of Twitter followers.  She was gone!  Turai Yar'Adua was gone.  What did I ever do to make her stop following me?  This has to be the shortest Twitter relationship I have ever had.  So, I went back to my Yahoo! e-mail, and from there, I clicked on her name.  This is what I found:

Strange activity??  These Yar'Aduas!  Like husband, like wife.  Even on Twitter, they vanish.  By my calculation, I shouldn't expect her return to Twitter till another 92 days.  That's not so bad.  She's only the First Lady former First Lady.

But, of course, I'm sure there's a totally logical, rational explanation for this.  I have come to the conclusion that one of the following must have happened:

A.  Turai Yar'Adua is on life support

B.  Turia Yar'Adua's Twitter account is on life support

C.  Both 'A' and 'B'

P.S. If you're planning on telling me how it was not actually Turai herself who opened the Twitter account, but rather an admirer with too much time on his/her hands, my response would be, "Talk to the hands!"

Now That He Has Spoken

Whether the man meant it or not, he spoke some words!  Funny how people were sniffling and dabbing tissue on their eyes.  I wonder how they felt when the news of his accident, affairs, and alleged physical abuse first broke on Thanksgiving Night in November of 2009.  Of course, one has to consider that the people in the room when Tiger gave his speech were carefully handpicked by Tiger's team.  So, there's a slight chance that even then (on Thanksgiving Night), they were sniffling and dabbing their eyes, albeit, probably for different reasons.

I should say, however, that I was perfectly satisfied with his speech.  I'm not one of the people who thought I was entitled to an apology from Tiger.  I'll take his money anytime over his apology.  Apology for what? I'm not his wife.  And for those mistresses that had the effrontery to come on television and cry, well, no comments.  I know that my opinion and desire probably doesn't count for much, if anything, but I'd really like it if Mr. and Mrs. Woods remain married.  Tiger Wood's speech is below.  Enjoy.

Breaking sports news video. MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL highlights and more.

Have you main

Sins Of My Past

How much of my past should I really disclose [to my partner]?  Full disclosure between us would be nice, but is it necessary?  When people pry into other people's past, there's hardly a time they're prying for the good stuff ... like the time the person helped old Mrs. Kanu to cross the street.  Or the time the person won the award for Best Chemistry Student.  Or the time the person volunteered at the homeless shelter. Or how the person became a working class citizen at the tender age of fourteen.

Most times, the one who is prying wants to know other stuff: How many people have you slept with? What are the names of the people you have slept with? How many times did you sleep with them?  Perhaps, they might want to know the position(s), too.  And they want to know, how many relationships have you had, and where are they [your exes]?  You and Person X had an almost-relationship; I want to know why it never became an actual relationship.  How far - physically - did you and Person X go? Did Person X see you naked? What about Person Y?  Have you ever had oral sex?   If so, who was the first person you had it with?  And how many people have you had it with since then?  The list, really, is endless.

And, of course, there are other questions: criminal records, credit report, illnesses, divorces, previous engagements, abortions, miscarriages, surgeries, hospitalizations, addictions, etc.  This list, too, could go on.  But because of how complex relationships are, most of the question-and-answer session dwells on past relationships, past loves, past chemistry, past crushes, and of course, past sexes.

And so, I cannot help but wonder, how much of our past should we really disclose to our partner?

You and I, we could tackle it on Saturday morning on the Verastically Speakin' Talk Radio. I'll be co-hosting with Afrobabe - yes, the very, very insane, possibly psychotic Afrobabe and my very own cousin, Aribaba of Jaguda.com - and yes, this one too is crazy.  It'll be at 10am U.S. Eastern (4pm Nigerian) time as usual.

Come Saturday morning, listen here.

Join the conversation: 1.646.929.1905

E-mail your thoughts, if you cannot call in: radio@verastic.com

Follow me, bumper to bumper, on Twitter.

As always, there's a poll on the top right sidebar, and it's there for your voting pleasure.  Go vote!

Show Me Your Love: A Valentine Blog Event

Welcome to Show Me Your Love: A Valentine Blog Event

Without further ado, let the showing of love begin.

Ayo and Lola

Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

For three years, Ayo and Lola worked together without speaking to one another because Ayo was shy. They later met at a training, and that was where the talking began. But it was not love at first sight. They started by borrowing office materials from each other. Ayo and Lola got married in 2008, and now have a bouncing baby girl.

Their union is the myth buster, Ayo says. There's no such thing as becoming less efficient or less happy once you're married. He has become happier, more efficient, and everything in between since he met Lola.  Lola loves everything about him, she says. She loves his wit, his intelligence, and his love for God. Their determination to grow their love, and their mutual goal of being happy has sustained their relationship.

For Valentine, Lola is sure they have no plans.  Ayo, however, says the plans are under wraps.

Leo and Rosie

Location: Maryland, U.S.A

Leo swears they met in 2005.  Rosie insists it was actually in 2006, because in 2005, Leo was pursuing her incognito.  That, as far as she's concerned, does not count as meeting. Leo and Rosie got married in 2007; they now have a son.

A funny couple, they are. The success of their relationship has been based on a little bit of honey, and a truckload of bullsh*t, You just have to learn how to mix them all up. That's a technique Rosie learned from her co-worker.  And then, there's a whole lot of communication, of course.

For Valentine's Day, Rosie plans on babysitting --- unless, of course, Leo has special plans for her.

LanreTall and KemiGold

Location: Lagos, Nigeria

2005 was the turning point for Lanre and Kemi. They bumped into each other in the hallway, although they didn't drop their papers, the way it happens in movies.  A week later, they met again, and have been together ever since. They are now engaged.

One of the things Lanre loves best about her is her playfulness and talkativeness. Sometimes, he has to beg her to be quiet, but that's all part of what makes him love her so. Clearly, he also loves carrying her. Their relationship has succeeded largely because of trust.

For Valentine, Lanre and Kemi will start their day by going to church, and after that, they will go see a movie - although they haven't decided which one. From there, they intend to go back home to take part in an event that we all are not invited to.

Busola and Francis

Location: Maryland, U.S.A

The year was 2005, and Busola was in a long distance relationship with a guy in Nigeria.  When a mutual friend showed her picture to Francis, he decided he wanted to meet her.  A relationship was the last thing on Busola's mind because, well, she had a boyfriend in Nigeria.  It's 2010, and they're now happily married with one son.

Francis has a good heart, she says.  She loves how he always makes hers and the baby's safety and wellbeing his priority.  God plays a major role in the success of their relationship.  Busola and Francis have learned how to be patient with each other, savoring every little bit and piece of their relationship.

For Valentine, the baby will be having a one-on-one time with his Grandma, while Busola and Francis enjoy a romantic dinner at home.

Bola and Watta

Location: Maryland, U.S.A

Theirs is the case of boy meets girl --- the African rendition.  This here, is the tale of the Nigerian boy who met the Sierra Leonean girl, and together, they created Love In West Africa.  It all started in 2008.

To keep their love young and strong, this Nigerian and Sierra Leonean have learned the priceless virtues of communication and compromise.  It doesn't hurt that they always do things to make each other happy.

For Valentine, they plan on going to Las Vegas, Nevada for five days.  And no, they do not need our company.

 Kunle and Deola

Location: Maryland, U.S.A

Kunle and Deola met in church in 2005. Deola had said out loud that she needed someone to teach her how to drive. Kunle, in his infinite kindness, offered to do so. The day he shamelessly stood in the mall and sang out loud, "Don't you wish your boyfriend was hot like me?" Deola knew he was the one for her.  There isn't anything Deola does not like about Kunle.  They got married in 2009.

Two things - however simple or complex - make their relationship work: God and hot, passionate sex.

For Valentine, their plans are too erotic --- even for Verastic dot com readers.

Jonathan and Chichi

Location: North Carolina

When Jonathan lost his father in 2006, he never thought the unfortunate incident will cause him to meet the love of his life.  A friend of his came over with a stranger, a stranger that brought him a delicious meal. That stranger was Chichi. He took an interest in Chichi, but Chichi dodged him -- till 2008. And now, well, take a look at the picture. She's not dodging anymore.

Jonathan and Chichi have both had their share of life. They do not sweat the small stuff. Only big stuff need apply. They have a strong foundation, and they know they have to make this work.

For Valentine, they plan to take it easy by going to church first, and then, watching movies for the rest of the day.

Justice and Ugochi

Location: Florida, U.S.A.

Justice and Ugochi met in 2004 through Ugochi's cousin. At the time, Ugochi was not looking for a relationship, and besides, Justice lived in a different State. Four months later, Ugochi got a surprise call from Justice. He had gotten her number from her cousin. She rejected his proposal for a relationship, but it's 2010, and they got married in 2009.

Their relationship is solidified by mutual respect for one another, communication, forgiveness, and God.

For Valentine, they plan on going to see a movie, taking a professional picture, and then having a dinner date.

Bunmi and Kunle

Location: Maryland, U.S.A

Bunmi and Kunle met in 2003. She left her home in New York to attend a graduation party in Maryland, while Kunle left his home in Maryland to attend the same party. Fate happened.  Or maybe it was cupid. Either way, they are now married with three beautiful princesses.

Bunmi and Kunle realize they're both different, and they do not try to change each other.  With God as the root and foundation of their relationship, Bunmi and Kunle have learned to trust each other wholly. Bunmi is the CEO of an online retail shop, T and T Fashions, a business she named in honor of her daughters.

For Valentine, they hope to be indoors. Perhaps, they might be snowed in. They plan to be creative.

Evans and Yvonne

Location: Around The World

Evans and Yvonne met in the University in 2005.  But they lost contact. Three years later, they met again. They have been inseparable since then. 

When two people who reside in different Continents are as in love as these two, laughter is a necessity. And so, Evans and Yvonne do a lot of laughing to keep their relationship going.  It also helps that Evans is very patient with Yvonne -- especially during her diva moments. Communication goes a long way to keep them on the same page at all times.

For Valentine, Evans and Yvonne would be having a cyber date.  They're thankful for the internet --- and for webcams, of course.

Oma and Chris

Location: Maryland, U.S.A

Their story began in 1995, while they attended College.  Two years after they met, they got married. Fifteen years and four kids later, their love has become even brighter. Oma is looking forward to growing old and grey with Chris.  Oma is now the proud owner of Livi's Fashions and Bridal.

Apart from the familiarity they share, love, understanding, and communication have all been contributing factors to the success of their relationship.

For Valentine, they plan on going out for dinner --- without the children, of course.

Olumide and Timbo

Location: London, U.K and Maryland, U.S.A

Olumide and Timbo met in 2009.  They met through her best friend in Nigeria.  Timbo's first attraction to Olumide was in his written English. It was in his punctuations, the commas being in the right place.  She has the in-factor he wants in a woman, he always says. And he never stops calling her his Mrs.

Communication is very strong in their relationship. Distance may be far, but that doesn't stop these love birds from talking everyday. Timbo loves how goal-oriented he is. He's cool-headed and mature in his thinking, she says with a wide smile plastered on her face.

For Valentine, they'll be spending the day talking on the phone. And in between, perhaps, Timbo will take some time to take a whiff of the roses he sent.  They're an assortment of colors. There are many shades to Timbo.

Fred and Magalie

Location: U.S.A

Fred and Magalie, the final couple for this event, met in 2000.  He approached her with a funny line, and since then, Magalie's life has not been the same.

After being apart for three years, they now realize that there is no one else in the world for them... but themselves. And that is how they have kept their love going. Their picture is a portrayal of their feelings, for each other, and for their relationship. It's them against the world.  It's Magalie confidently, reassuringly resting on Fred. And it's Fred's arm being right there when Magalie needs it. It's them both.

For Valentine, they plan on spending the day on Skype.  They do not live in the same City.

This concludes the Show Me Your Love Valentine Blog Event for 2010.

Special thanks to all the couples.  I wish you the best Valentine Day ever, and may your love grow from strength to strength.  Come next year, may we all be favored to come back here and celebrate your love once more.  Thank you for all your support.

P.S. All comments are very appreciated, but please play nice.  I apologize in advance for any not-so-nice comments I would have to delete J

 Happy Valentine's to everyone!!!