Lancome Jazzed Me

Trouble dey sleep, iyanga dey go wake am up. Lancome people were there on their own oh, and I carried myself and went to them.


Some weeks ago, I was passing through Lancome at Macy's when I saw a flyer for 'Gal's Night Out.' What really, really, caught my eyes was the fact the fact that it was FREE. As a proper Naija gal, you know I have to love all things free. The Gal's Nite Out party was to have my make-up done for FREE by none other than Tommy. Who is Tommy? I had no clue, but I was going to find out for sure.

I invited Funmi and Uju. They both didn't make it. Uju had some reservations because she said Lancome will make her spend money she does not have. Eventually, I convinced her to come, but she still couldn't cause she had to work. Funmi said she did not want to come because they would use the same brush they used for other people for her. Funmi gat jokessss! She must think that makeup artists change their brushes per customer. Anyway, I made an appointment for today at 6:30 PM sharp.

Before I went, my mind was already made up that I will not spend a penny. I knew there was nothing Lancome will say or do to me to ever make me change my mind. So some make-up lady started prepping me sha. Prepping me included cleaning my face with something, rubbing some gel on my face, washing the gel off, rubbing something else on my face, and then rubbing some lotion on top of the something. Oh, and she also rubbed something around my eyes - special lotion for my eyes. She asked me what kinda lotion I rub on my face, and when I told her that I rub my regular good ol' Olay BODY lotion, she almost had a heart attack.

"Body lotion?! You rub body lotion on your face?!"

Ah ah! See me see wahala oo. Is my face no longer part of my body? LOL.


I could not hide my ignorance o. I had to ask her, "Am I supposed to be rubbing something else on my face?"


"Yes! Never, ever rub body lotion on your face. You're lucky you have nice skin...." She went on to explain that the skin on other parts of our body is a lot stronger and tougher than the one on our face. The way she was rubbing the lotion on my face felt really, really good, so I had to ask (out of curiousity), "How much is the lotion?"


She said, "$43"


Forty-flipping-three dollars! Only for one small bottle of lotion?? You've gotta be kidding me. Does she know what I can buy with $43? Four big bottles of Olay body lotion. Big bottles ooo! And this does not include the cost of the other things she put on my face before the lotion alone sef. I could not help but ask her if she goes through the routine everyday, and she said yes. Everyday ke? Does she know how long I take in the bathroom already?? To add five more steps to my bathroom routine will mean an extra thirty minutes for me oh.



Anyway, so after the prepping sha, Tommy finally started working on me. He was kinda cute. Unfortunately, he's gay. Why do the cute ones have to be gay? Apparently, Tommy is a big Lancome makeup artist in New York. He made me up sha, and all through, he could not stop complementing my eyes. In my mind, I was just thinking, "Tommy, you can say what you want oh, but you will not make me spend a dime here! I know you're just tryna sell your product."

Finally, Tommy finished and gave me a mirror, and I was like... WOW!! He actually did a wonderful job. I absolutely loved what he did with my eyes. In fact, I loved the whole nine yards. To be honest, the part of my face that gets the most compliments (however weird the compliments may be) is my eyes. And my eyes are my favorite part to makeup. Tommy used silver eye liner and I was loving it!


At the end, the lady that prepped me asked, "So what will you be taking home today?" She was smart enough to not say, "What will you be BUYING today?"

My brothers and sisters, before the woman finished talking sef, I said, "I want the silver eye liner."


Twenty-freaking-three dollars!!! What da...?! That was how I whipped out my card and paid for it oh. As I drove home, all I could think about was the twenty-three dollars I spent on one skinny eye pencil/liner. How will I explain this to my husband? LOL. Okay, wake up, Vera...you are not married! LOL. Honestly, I really, really like the thing sha, but I just feel really bad for spending so much on only an eye pencil. Which kin yeye thing be this? If I add like $60 to it, I will be able to add one more perfume to my collection (I will blog about my perfumes some other day). But chei!!! These Lancome people don jazz me. Can you imagine the likeness?! A whole me? Realistically, the eye pencil is really long, but how often do I used make up? I have a drawer full of makeup, but I only use them when I'm attending something. I do not have time to be using make-up every time I'm going out.

You know what I'm thinking about? I think I like the foundation too. I hope the Mary Kay people do not read this, but I think the Lancome foundation is better than the Mary Kay one. It probably costs like $35 as opposed to the $14 one I buy from Mary Kay (which is already expensive to me sef). Abeg, I never publish my book na. I'm gonna call them tomorrow and ask how much the foundation costs. And it better be lasting for at least one year! Anyways, to other issues sha...



Nigerian Reunion: I have never, ever attended a Nigerian Reunion. From what I have heard, NRC is the best reunion organizer. They are the ones I have known the longest sha. But anyway, NRC is finally hosting the Nigerian Reunion here in B'more this year, and I'm seriously considering attending it. What will be my excuse for not attending it? I went on their website to see what they will be doing, and one of the things is speed dating. LOL. I am currently writing a new article for Kitu Kizuri, and I am supposed to be open to new ideas and new ways to meet new people. I just might take part in this speed dating thing. If I don't chicken out, I'll definitely take part in it, but I'll need my friends there oo. Hey, what's there to lose??



...But before I call Lancome tomorrow, can someone please tell me to get a grip! Please, stop me. Tell me I cannot afford a tiny bottle of foundation that costs so much. please, tell me.

Kai...but the thing fine sha. I love the foundation so much that I don't even wanna wash my face tonight, but I can't go to bed with so much crap on my face. I don't wanna wake up with pimples the size of moles in the morning. Maybe I'll return the eye pencil/liner and get the foundation. Noooo, I want them both. Oh, Lord! This is a dilemna!!



Help....!



.....Sleepless in Baltimore.

The Silly Things We Do (4)

First of all, Happy Easter!! May today be the beginning of better things in my ---I mean your life. Amen. [The 'Amen' was actually for my life not yours, but anyway...]


This is my 4th post on the silly things we do. Somehow, I have consistently been able to find myself in funny situations. Or maybe I just find too many things funny and laugh too much.


Anyway, this happened on Friday, March 21st 2008 (yes, just two days ago). I had to take my car for emissions test, and I did not know the place. I received the letter ever since, but I had just been too lazy to go. According to the letter, the best time for me to go would be in the morning, and I am one who likes waking up early. I do not want to do anything that will make me wake up earlier than I already do (10:00 AM). Before you brand me as a ‘sleeper’, keep in mind that I keep late nights; I usually go to bed at about three, four, or five in the morning. So you see, I am more of a night person. I’d rather stay up late than wake up early.


Anyway, I finally decided to do the emissions thing on Friday – not because I was looking forward to it, but because I wanted to get it over with before the due date, and besides, the letter they sent me said Thursday and Friday are the least busy days. I printed directions off Mapquest since my car is not yet equipped with GPS (*hint, hint* for my birthday gift next year, although I’d still prefer the Range Rover, but I digress…lol).


I should have jejely followed Mapquest oh, but my mom had to come and tell me otherwise. “Why are you following Mapquest?” She asked me. “Don’t you know they give you long routes?” She was right sha; MapQuest does give longer than necessary routes. “Don’t worry, I’ll give you the directions.” She assured me.


I was ready to leave, and these were my mother’s directions:
Mom: Once you go on Pulaski Highway ehn, just go straightttttttt! When you pass that junction where I buy newspaper for a dollar, you will pass a gas station by your left. Don’t stop there oo! You will go to the next gas station and make a left there. Once you make that left ehn, you will see that small fly over where two cars cannot pass by each other at the same time.


Me: Huh? (a little confused)

Mom: You know that small fly over where there is a traffic light and you have to stop for the incoming car to pass now! Don’t you remember? (Sounding irritated like she cannot believe I don’t understand her ‘simple’ directions)

Me: (scratching head and ‘vaguely’ remembering the ‘fly over’): Okay, ehen continue.

Mom: Ehen, once you pass that fly over ehn, just stay by your left hand side. The people that are going towards East Point Mall will stay by their right. Oh, no, no, no, wait, I made a mistake. Once you pass under the fly over ehn, stay by your right, and the people going to East Point Mall will go left. On that right side of the road, just go straighttttttt. Then you will see the Emissions place by your right.

Me: (puzzled) But how will I know when I’ve gotten to the Emissions place?

Mom: You will see a building where people are driving in and driving out.

Me: (satisfied) Okay.

Did anyone notice that my mother’s directions did not include any street names? The landmarks sef were not concrete enough. All I had to go by were nameless gas stations, the junction where she buys newspaper for $1, the fly over where two cars cannot pass at the same time, and the building where cars are driving in and out of. LOL.


I don’t know which kin nonsense trip I embarked on. I live in Baltimore county, and the emissions place is at Baltimore City. I do NOT know my way around Baltimore City, especially the part close to downtown. My people, na so I wan lost for inside Baltimore City oo. I should have known my mother’s directions had K-leg the moment she could not remember which side of the road I was supposed to be on. The Emissions place is located on Erdman Road. Erdman is a very busy street, full of buildings where cars drive in and out of.


That was how I drove aimlessly, blocking the road, suddenly switching lanes, and making abrupt stops and illegal U-turns. It did not help that Erdman Road has traffic lights like almost every other block. At one point, I stopped in the middle of an intersection because I did not notice there was a traffic light. In short, na by the Grace of Baba God I did not get a big, fat ticket ooo because those City cops can be cruel. I had to keep stopping and asking for directions. Somehow sha, I finally, finally found the building. And guess what? There were no cars driving in and out of the building. You know why? It was Friday – one of the least busy days. Lol.


My baby (car) passed the emissions test sha, and after that, I jejely asked the lady for directions. All I had to make were three right turns. They were soooo flippin easy! And you know what? It was the same direction MapQuest gave me. Chei, this my mother sef. She’s lucky I’ve got nothing but love for her.

Speaking of directions, I was watching a Naija comedy later on the same day. The name is Bone in the Throat – starring John Okafor (played the part of Ignatius, fondly called “Iginae” or “IG”) and Uche Jumbo (played the part of Olamma).

Anyway, Ignatius (John Okafor) spent 15 years in Panya (where the heck is Panya?) and did not accomplish anything before coming back to the village where he became engaged to Ola (Uche Jumbo). Desperate for money, IG embarked on a trip to Asaba in search of a woman known as ‘Nwanyi Asaba’ (means ‘Asaba Woman’). The myth was that all you had to do was suck Nwanyi Asaba’s breast to become rich. So off he went with two of his stupid friends. He grabbed every big-breasted girl he saw and tried to suck her breast by force. Needless to say, no one ever told him that Nwanyi Asaba had big breasts o; he just assumed she did (I guess after so much sucking, the breast had to be of considerable size, huh?). His friends got tired of chasing a waterfall and went back to the village. When IG’s fiancée, Olamma (Uche Jumbo) questioned the whereabouts of IG, his friend, Okey, gave her the following directions:


“Once you enter Asaba kpaaaaaa! (kpaaaa is the sound you hear once you enter Asaba, lol). Just go straiggggggghhhhhhhhttttttttttt (this sounds too much like my mother’s direction. Is this déjà vu?) Then you go right. Then you go small and go left as if you want to go….no, no, no, this direction will confuse you (you think?!). I’ll you another direction. Once you enter Asaba and pass the main bridge that says ‘Welcome to Asaba’ any girl you see with jumbo sized breast, approach her; one way or another, she might have encountered IG.”


…lol. So much for giving her a better direction. [I actually had to rewind the movie to write the directions down, so I can blog about it]

Needless to say, IG never did find Nwanyi Asaba. However, he constantly dreamt of being rich and his afa otutu (nickname) was Chief Chop Money. LOL. Question: since ‘Nwanyi Asaba’ means ‘Asaba Woman,’ doesn’t that mean that every woman in Asaba is “Nwanyi Asaba?” Finding Nwanyi Asaba in Asaba has to be like finding a needle in a haystack.

My friends (better known as the ‘Inter-Galactic Force’ ever since I wrote that article about them) and I had a gal’s nite out last night. It was a romantic date with them, although none of them brought me a dozen roses as I requested. Better luck next time, I guess. The picture by the left is Funmi. She took it herself because according to her, she was "smoking!!" Now, you see why I believe my friends are abnormal.






First, we went bowling. Before we went, Uju could not stop making noise about how good she was. We played three rounds. Timbo & Ibukun did not play. Funmi came first in the first round. I came first the second and third round. Uju did not come first at all. In her defense, she just didn’t want to show all the men at the bowling alley her skills coz she didn’t want them to think she was a superwoman. And she did not want to be recruited as a pro either. Yea, Uju! The picture shows the scoreboard at the end. I had 102 points; Uju had 91, and Funmi had 68. You can click on the picture to see it better, and uhm, I'm currently signing autographs.


After the bowling, we went to see Tyler Perry's new movie: Meet The Browns. Lastly, we had dinner at TGIF where I could not stop laughing my head off at the silly things were saying. You know what happens when you have five ladies, food, and alcohol??? Whew!

There are more pictures of our night out. View them at http://verastic.shutterfly.com/


Need some laughs? Read:

The Silly Things We Do (1) HERE
The Silly Things We Do (2) HERE
The Silly Things We Do (3) HERE


Once again, Happy Easter!!

I Promised...So I'm Delivering.

Boy, it feels like I have been off Blogville for a while. I guess I have. I’m so sad to find out that so many of my blogger mates have stopped blogging. I guess we all just ran out of things to say after a while. I’m hoping they find their spark and come back. Meanwhile, there are sooooo many new bloggers. Whew! I have no clue where to even start. Anyway, I’ll dig them out small small. But uhm, all of una welcome ooo.

So much has been going on. Mr. T and I are finally over. This isn’t actually something that recently happened. It happened since August of last year. It was "good" while it lasted. Even better when it ended. Probably be best when I find a permanent replacement. LOL. Even I, laugh at myself sometimes. At first, it was kinda weird. I was not sure how to feel about the breakup, but now, I am relieved. Sometimes you think something is a disappointment, but then so many good things happen as a result of said disappointment. This breakup was the bomb diggity! I don’t deserve it, but God has been really, really good to me. He has really favored me. I’m a little too excited about this breakup. Is this normal?? I almost feel like throwing myself a “parry.” It is not being single that I am celebrating; it is being emancipated from that. But anyway…

Speaking of my manlessness sef, I recently discovered Banke Mashide-Lawal, and my oh my…is she good or what! The lady makes me wanna get married in Nigeria. In fact, I have booked a hall for my wedding in Nigeria. I have picked my bridesmaids’ dresses, and I have decided what kind of shoes they will all wear. I have picked aso ebi material for all my groups; I have booked the live band, the decorators, and the DJ. Now, all I need to find is the husband cause you know how easy it is…with me having all these men knocking my door down and begging for my hand in marriage…lol, yeah right!

I laugh at my koloness.…but in my defense, I think it runs in the family. Just the other day, I was making fun of my father and his baldness. Over the years, he has gradually been getting bald. The frontal part of his head is so bald that it is as smooth as his face. He even rubs lotion on his head. And when he is under the sun, it will be in your best interest to not look directly at his shining head. Trust me, it is like looking into a mirror that is directed at the sun. Anyway, when I made fun of his hair or lack of it rather, he said that doctors like him do not need hair anyway because in the middle of a surgery, a strand of hair can fall off their head and fall into the open patient. That is the silliest excuse for being bald I have ever heard. What then becomes of the female doctors? Do they all shave their heads to avoid this alleged contamination?

Other news…

You see that camera by the right? Yes, I’m talking about the Nikon D40X. Well, it is no longer in my list of ‘things I want;’ it is now in my list of ‘things I have.’ Lol. I received the camera as a birthday gift in January. What can I say? I wonder if I will receive the Range Rover as a birthday gift next year. *Hint, Hint*

Gas: Gas prices have been rising at a ridiculous rate! Two weeks ago, I bought gas for $3.05 per gallon; last week I bought it for $3.09; today, it was $3.15. And I’m talking about the regular gas o! I don’t even bother looking at the prices of the plus and/or premium gas. I tell you, if gas keeps increasing like this, I might just buy myself a bicycle. Shoot, I don’t even mind transporting myself on a scooter right now.

Young Love: Yesterday, I went for a friend’s get together. I could not resist taking a picture of these love birds. These days, people find their soul mates a lot sooner, huh? My question is…could this be love…??? LOL (The chic even has her nails done...lol)

Happy Easter...!!!

I'm Back...Again

I know what you are thinking, and I can explain. LOL. You think I am here to put up one post and disappear for 6 months, but no be so oooo. This time, it is truly different. Yes, I probably said something like this in my previous posts, but this time, I really, really mean it. I am a changed person. I have turned a new leaf. In fact, the Vera who is blogging now is not the Vera that was blogging the last time. I am so different that I have recently been considering putting my picture up, but the new Verastic Status has not fully kicked in, so I am not quite ready to put my picture up. Besides, I wouldn't want all my blog lovers(what are their names again sef?) to get fired from work because they are wasting valuable work time staring at my picture. LOL. Yeah, that's what it is!

Anyway, I will have a better, more interesting blog post for you on Monday. Consider this post to be a Hi-I'll-be-back-with-the-main-post kinda post. You know what I mean. First thing Monday morning, I'll be here. I hope you will too. I promise I'll be here. I'm promising, so that means I'll really be here. And when I say "first thing Monday morning," I mean my time o...! As in Eastern American time, which is currently 5 hours behind Naija.

See you on Monday!!