Apparently, I'm Married

Thanks to everyone who was wondering where I went off to.  Well, let me ease your curiousity: I didn't go anywhere; I was just tired.  So you see, there isn't much gist about these three days of absence.  Thank you also for listening to my audio post.  I hope the next one will be better.  Now... on to today's issue.

My people, e be like say I don marry.  Yes, I am married.  I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but you see, I just found out myself too.  My cousin-turned-sister in London wrote me the other day to ask why I did not tell her I had gotten married.  I surprise no be small o.  Me, married??  You people know that when I get married, I will have my weddings in more than one location, and UK is definitely one of said locations... so what gives?

I told my mother about the alleged marriage and we laughed about it.  Several days later, mom says, "Bia, Nne, somebody told me they heard you're married."   Of course, mom has refused to disclose the identity of this someone - not that I would have cursed the person out or anything.  Please!  Who has that time?  I would have maybe just asked the person, "Are my husband's eyebrows as funny as I imagine them?"  You know now!  Regular question that every bride should ask about her hubby.  Honestly, I was not mad when she told me this.  I was not even worried sef.  Worried?  For what?  As far as I was concerned, the person/people spreading this gist is/are just professing my future marriage, and for this, I was not only grateful, but also excited.

But then I thought about it some more today.  Hmm.  Could it be that my mother (and my entire family in fact) are planning a secret wedding for me?  Are they really in that much of a hurry to marry me off?  I do not understand how news of my wedding has gotten all the way to London, a City I have not been to since I was three years old... and yet, I (the bride) am yet to know of it.  E get as e come be ooo!  This pretense that everyone is playing is becoming very, very suspicious.

From now on, I will be watching my back.  Maybe they want some bad boys to just kidnap me, blindfold me, and then take me to a place full of guests (mostly people I don't even like), and then they'll untie the blindfolds and everyone will shout, "SURPRISE!!!"  I'll be dressed in my denim jeans and that tee shirt I have sworn to never be caught with outside.  Jim Iyke & Omotola Ekehinde will be singing a duo.  Well, she'll be singing, while he'll be rapping.  Oh, the horror!  Tufia kwa.  It will never work for them.  All these rumor mongers will not succeed in doing this thing they're planning on doing.

If not for anything, this surprise wedding thing cannot just work because I have plans.  Remember all the things that have to happen once I get engaged?  Hmm.  By fire, by storm, I must accomplish all those things.  Now, if I am just being paranoid (and no1 is actually trying to plan me a surprise wedding)....  what then could be the cause of this gist?  

**Now  that I think of it sef, the other day (more like the other month) I attended an event, an old friend from high school said to me, "Hey, long time!  I heard you're married."  I don't know if he was joking or not.  At the time, I thought he was joking, but now with all these recent developments, I'm not quite sure what to think.  The event was last month.  Think it's too late to call and ask him what he meant by that?